I am, too, capable of free will

Nature versus nurture

Published on September 22, 2006 By anothermaso In Personal Relationships

Another trip to Canberra approaches .. out nation's capital and the location of most of my in-laws and my parents, too. As usual the prospect of spending time with my mother sends apprehension through me - even though I only have to make it through lunch.

Everyone always chimed in when I used to say "My mother's strange" - all claiming their parents were the maddest, weirdest around. But now I know the truth I can tell people what's wrong with her - and I've found at least another two families who have similar problems. You see, my mother has Asperger's Syndrome - a type of autism which makes her "mind-blind" - or unable to relate to any experience that doesn't directly affect herself.

I once described her as a "stream-of-consciousness conversationalist" - which makes it difficult to communicate with her. But today I noticed her OVER-communication has led to me being an UNDER-communicator with the man I love - and it's been a problem in previous relationships, too.

It's just that her conversation is filled with the minutiae of her days. To the extent that I want to yell at her to shut up, that i don't care if she got beans at 5 cents off or that her car has been serviced this week. So when it comes to sharing the small things, I'm reluctant to open up. When a friend called me today I told him all about my latest effort to keep fit - actually running as well as walking and how nice it is to be less puffed. But then I realised I haven't told Mark this at all. And it's not important - but maybe it is.

Whatever, I've resolved to try and open up a bit more. Because I can, without being a replica of my mother.

Comments

Shovelheat

on Sep 22, 2006

Asperger's Syndrome

I need to look into this, I think this nails it on the head for someone I know...

foreverserenity

on Sep 22, 2006

I've never heard the term before, at least I recognize the illness, (although I didn't even realised it was one) but I just never saw the medical terminology before.

Sometimes it's harder to open up to the person we're closest to about some things because it might not be easy to do. And other times some things don't seem to be important enough to do so.

I sometimes tell my husband that he doesn't talk to me about some things I would expect him to tell me about before I find out about it on my own. He said he didn't realise he had to share that information with me. I tell him he should, in the same way that I share almost everything with him.

He tries, but sometimes he forgets.

Hopefully now that you realise it, perhaps you can resolve to make a point to be more open with yours.

Congrats on your new fitness routine!

Dr Guy

on Sep 22, 2006

Asperger's Syndrome

I need to look into this, I think this nails it on the head for someone I know...

Choas Manager's child has it, and he told me what that was a few months back.

dynamaso

on Sep 24, 2006

Honey,

As we discussed, I believe most of us don't tell our partners everything. Most of us lead busy but seperate lives and some things simply slide by without mention. As you know, it doesn't mean we love our partners any less. It just means we're not bogging each other down in boring details. I'm sure for most of us, if it was something really important, we'd remember and pass it on.

Knowing your mother as I do now, I can safely say that you are absolutely nothing at all even slightly like her. You are your own person and for that I am eternally grateful to whatever pan-holistic deity you choose.

olwen

on Oct 26, 2006

please write more on this. I am in the same situation - have just realised what is wrong with my mother and brother i.e. asperger's. Think of how this will have affected your attitude to friends and why no children? I only decided to "risk" having kids in my late 20's and my normal relationship with my lovely daughters now 20 and 15 has saved me. I wish you well

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