Turning back the clock
Published on January 21, 2007 By anothermaso In Personal Relationships
Recently an old boyfriend got in touch with me, who I haven't seen for 17 years, and haven't dated for 27 (aaagh I feel old).

Actually to digress a moment, he was was the first in a group of 6 exes who've recently made contact. By number 6 I was getting that real Twilight-Zone feeling, I can tell you!

Anyway, we communicated by email for a while, and had lunch last week. He hasn't changed a great deal, just looks older. we chatted a bit about old times, and he spent most of the time talking about what he's done since last we met. He's been living overseas, in Japan and Korea, and is about to move back to Australia with his 8-year-old daughter. His (estranged) wife may come too, although that seemed a bit confused.

Anyway, the point is he's done VERY well for himself. Appears to have a shed-load of cash, is about to buy a block of holiday apartments just north of Cairns in tropical Queensland. And while we were talking, I found myself mentally shaping up ways I could find myself feeling .. if not superior at least equal to him. I guess anyone would say that's understandable, but (here's the irony) I chose to find myself more personally developed than he was.

That all stemmed from his description of his life - which was to spend no more than three years anywhere because he gets bored. He also said he doesn't feel any different now to when he left Australia 17 years ago. Now I did genuinely feel incredulous at this - because my personal growth over the past 10 years has been astronomical (we're the same age so it's not impossible he'd be going through similar growth) and because in that time he's had a child. While I'm child-free, I have many friends and relatives who I've seen go through this - and it changes anyone.

I described the conversation to Mark as speaking to someone who's travelled externally - not internally. But I'm wondering if I've just sold him a little short. I mean, what do you talk about with someone you haven't seen in years? It's more likely to be things, not ideas, isn't it? And while I love my life, a bit more cash and a little less penny-pinching would help. So I guess I am a bit jealous.

Still, he may offer me some work through a friend's company when he returns to Australia for good - so maybe meeting up with him will help that way, too!


Comments
on Jan 21, 2007
I only know a very few people who haven't "grown" internally since high school. Two actually, and they don't have to tell anyone, it is fairly obvious to everyone.

Perhaps he was putting his best foot forward. I met a guy I went to highschool a few years back at a pub by happen stance. He told me all about the money he was making blah blah blah. I was really happy for him until I found out later it was all a big fat lie. Then I wondered why he felt the need to lie to ME? I couldn't care less what he does or how much he makes, it has no baring on my life.

I am not suggesting your friend is lying, but maybe he focused more on the "stuff" aspect because he wanted to impress you. Not in a take you to bed kind of way, but in a "woot" for me kinda way.

I dunno.

My husband would NEVER want me to see an ex. He wouldn't be comfortable with that at all. Heh. I don't mind, it makes me smile that he still gets all bothered when he thinks another guy might actually want to spend time with me.

on Jan 21, 2007
I think the personal growth is just as important as the money stuff and the money stuff is pretty good.

That is odd that 6 ex's are getting in touch with you. or not. Let us know what is a brewing.
on Jan 22, 2007
It's kind of unbelievable to think there has been no personable growth. It's almost too selfish isn't it? Even after having a child, and yes, I agree that is one of the most life changing and personal growth events in anyone's life.

It's nice when someone has had success. I can relate in the almost feeling jealous part. It makes you wonder what's wrong with you right? Believe me, nothing. That's what I tell myself and it's true. Some people have much more luck, good for them! I can't stand people who brag though, that happens to my hubby a lot with some of his friends. Almost as if they're trying to rub his nose in. Weird people, and not good friends, thank heavens!


on Jan 22, 2007
I think the personal growth is just as important as the money stuff and the money stuff is pretty good.


I think Muhammad Ali said it best:

A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life.

But having plenty of the folding stuff would be nice indeed although one thing I've always wondered about so-called successful people (if having lots of money defines success): doesn't their arm get a little tired from patting themselves on the back all the time?
on Jan 22, 2007

That is odd that 6 ex's are getting in touch with you. or not. Let us know what is a brewing.

Naw!  I saw the picture Maso posted.  They just realize what fools they were.

But I do wonder about what Tova was saying.  Did he kind of flaunt his "money"?  If so, that would send up red flags to me.

As for Exes, I get the ignoble pleasure of seeing one of mine every 2 weeks.

on Jan 22, 2007
Tova - I kinda wondered why he sailed back into my life after so long with not a peep, and maybe he is beating the drum in a "wooh for me" kind of way. I know he's not lying tho - he got back in touch after seeing my dad's photo in a gallery he (my dad) designed. My dad passed on the msg and told me he spent a LOT of money there.

Kelly - I am still waiting to see what kind of weirdness awaits me - but then as Maso said when I told him - sometimes coincidences just ARE.

Serenity - I guess I find it weird that someone can be so keen on their financial success, and don't place any importance on their personal growth. And you're right - I did feel he was trying to rub my nose in it a bit.

Shovel - he has wasted it, hasn't he? But now I'm thinking maybe the return home is the start of his internal jouney.

Doc - you flatter me. And he did pay for lunch. But apart from that he didn't really flaunt it except to tell me he's buying the apartment building - at about 2 million Australian. I didn't ask if he's paying cash though.